she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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