direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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