i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
