Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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