I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
