you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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