i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
