Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
