it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
