K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
