Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
