would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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