I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
