Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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