that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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