my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
