im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
