dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
