She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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