im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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