The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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