I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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