When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
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