winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
