saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
