She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
