i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
