dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
