he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
All I want is dick and wine.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
