Your tits are I can't wait for
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize