I'm eating all of the evidence.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
