Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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