you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
