im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
