I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
