At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
