i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
