I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
