Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
