I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
