Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
