i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
