sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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