TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
