It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
