I must be too annoying 4 u.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
