was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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