I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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