I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
