Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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