Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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