ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
