I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
