I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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