Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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