Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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