She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
