I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
