based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
