i just had sex bonerless
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
