Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Randomize
