If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
