i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
