that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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