Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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