Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
