I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
