He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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