Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize