I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You can't special order awesome
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
