not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
