she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i think i have two assholes
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
